Dreams set free.

Yes, I have to let her go.

At times when situation exacerbate its better we let her go for the time being. She cannot be caged lifelong just for my pleasure.

All the dreams that I have fostered over this years were really very close to my heart but there is a reality also which though I recognized but I never wanted to consider it. We have visited the zenith of our profession and in the recent future I do not think that we could do something drastically better. The ideas and thoughts that I had put together over the years for the industry is really a distant dream to be executed in my town. The market in our region is not yet developed to cope up with all this. True, its growing better.

Dreams are dreams and they truly don’t want to walk off. When they don’t, I have to. I have to move out to the destinations that give me the opportunity to bring my dreams into truth, see them make the news, create the waves once more. Judge and trust the situation that actually is. All the situations that were understood and believed are now to be accepted. Accepted to the core of my heart. Leave all and let me leave for my dream. See the smile back in my wife’s face. Bring back all the wonderful days we had spent together.

But the dreams I fostered since my childhood are definitely not going to die. Not at the cost of my miserable situation. Not at the cost of any thing on earth. My dreams have transformed to my dear wife as hers. The pain of leaving my dreams is creating more pain to her than its to me.

Hold on, our dreams are not dead yet.

Confined Dreams

The cell phone alarm wakes me up before sunrise in this shivering cold morning and unwillingly takes me out from the warmth of the blanket. My wife is already prepared for her school. With a scowl face I reluctantly pull myself out of the bed and push me to the toilet.

Rups is always after me, “Hey dear, please be a little faster, I will miss my bus.”

Panoplied with gloves, pullover, jackets jeans and shoes with army socks I feel myself a very brave man. I bike my wife to the bus stand and rush back to my small two room rented flat. I am now over with my days work. The next job is to fetch my wife back at 3 o’ clock.

Confined in my room with the lights on and surfing the whole day on unnecessary sites blocks my brain and keeps me away from all. The first few hours of the day I cannot open my window due to the fear of cold, later when I open, it is of no use as sunlight hardly gets in. When we finalized this flat for rent we never realized that sunlight will be so scarcely available.

Without regular pressure of job for months is such a pitiable feeling I never knew. Short assignments at irregular interval kept me busy, but the stumbling blocks that I faced one after another had put me into a back seat. I wondered day and night what I can do and what I cannot, what were the mistakes I made, what are the loop holes that I created in my business and what are the facts that I misapprehended that made me jobless for so long.

My dreams are still with me and at times when I see my peer group went far ahead of me those into service I wish if I had been there too. But something within me resists me, asks me to stay away and pursue my dream. I do not know will it ever come true or not but I keep on day dreaming. The four walls stoop over my shoulder and whisper in my ears, “Piklu, you will make it”. God knows!

The small spiral while lamp that hangs from the centre of my ceiling also teases me, taunts me saying that you are a big fool. Believing in yourself and pursuing your dream won’t come true. Come-on dear, change your set of mind and do something else, that can feed your family, that can give relief to your dear wife, that can bring smile to both of you and settle down in your life.

Dreams are still dreams, the doors and windows and the curtains, the wall hangings, the television all together laugh at me, make fun of me, taunts me, teases me. I close my ears with both my hands, close my eyes and try to hide my face between my thighs so that their laughter do not enter my ears but alas! all in vain. They scream so loud that in my dreams also I can hear them and spend my nights sleepless in the fear of hearing them and fearing that my dream may go lost.

I fostered my dreams since my childhood, how can I depart from her, how can I leave her go?